Gifts

I'm sending a hello to all lovebirds out there!

Say, when was the last time you ordered something, get it wrapped up, and wait for it to arrived at the front door's of your loved ones? When was the last time you ponder so much, contemplating on what kind of thing would surprise your dear ones at their birthday/anniversary? When was the last time you feel worried that he/she might like the present you give for them?

Oh well, here i am talking about gift. Gift is not just mere thing. Though it's materially in a form of a thing, it is packed full with efforts, love, and thoughts solely for the person receiving it. Therefore,  you have to make sure that the gift you'll give to your dear ones be memorable, yet deep enough to touch their heart.

While you might think about what you should pick for, i could ensure you that this page will be really beneficial for you to decide on the gift: Kado Natal Zalora
Just click and browse on the gift your significant others are wishing for!

Thoughts on LDR

Soooo okay, this post is gonna be a long one. 

Caution: Do not fall asleep while reading. 

Long Distance Relationship - a relationship where two lovers are separated by miles, not being able to see their significant other the way how it is supposed to as normal couple do. When hearing this words, most people would not want to be in it. Why is that?

1. They could not see each other
2. They won't have enough quality times
3. Increasing risks of miscommunication; which 
4. Leads to anxiety
5. People fall out of love 
6. Higher chance of breaking up

Those reasons are well-connected to each and another, something like domino effect where one phase would cause an effect to the subsequent phases. Here are some explanations regarding those. 

a. Case #1, when a couple started LDR

b. Case #2, when a couple pursue an LDR in the middle of their relationship

This case #1 is considered rare when this two people meet at a so called 'temporary right place and right time', experiencing the phase of approaching and 'flirtationship' still at the so called 'still temporary right place and right time'.

Aside that, there might be a very rare case where there might be a time when people, who are already apart get to know each other and they are attracted to each other, fall in love knowing that they meet at a ‘wrong place and wrong time’, despite meeting the right person. 

The problem with case#1 comes when they decide to get serious with each other and want to pursue a deeper relationship, due to sudden circumstances one of them have to leave. There are 3 possibilities regarding this matter:

1) Two of them give in due to the circumstances

2) They decide to stay at it is, not an official girlfriend-boyfriend but still willing to give a shot

3) They would force to have such relationship

As there are 3 possibilities, writer decides to further explain the 3rd possibilities and ignores the previous two, as the theme itself is LDR - meaning there is already a relationship happening.

Generally speaking, on both case #1 and #2, the hero and heroine has known each other pretty well. It is presumed that they have met several times,  the guy has approached the girl well and the girl just responded right – enough to make them feel comfortable around each other. It is natural when people are comfortable with each other, they develop attraction. Attraction leads to attachment, while then attachment leads to taking a liking to each other. When they finally realize that they like each other, it is also natural that they want to be together with each other, to pursue a deeper relationship. However, as we all would agree, relationship may not be that easy. There’s more to it than meets the eye.

Based on those situations above, while we are talking about case #1, presumed that they decide to pursue a relationship -  where they can’t be together, would then create a burden between those two. On the other hand, in case #2 when they have already been in a relationship for periods, they would still be burdened by LDR despite having stronger bonds and firmer base regarding their relationship. 

In both cases, The one leaving would feel irresponsible while the one being left would feel alone and left out. Why would they feel that way? It is because they would not have enough quality time together. There would be no dates, no Saturday night dinner, no movies watched together, no hugs, kisses, and physically meeting their significant other. The one leaving would feel that he/she can’t handle the responsibility as a partner while the one being left would feel like ‘he/she has no boyfriend/girlfriend’ as he/she do not experience things like what lovers should do.

These lack of quality time would then causes some ‘frictions’ between them. One may feels puzzled with the conversation as he/she does not know what the other person on the other side is doing, thus leading to a lack of communication. This kind of feeling when one side does not communicate enough with another would then cause miscommunication. Miscommunication happens when the recipient receives a message other than those intended by the sender. This problems occur so often in many cases of LDR. When people do not know what their special one is doing, all kind of thoughts that pop out in their head would jumbled up together, prone to developing negative thoughts. This means that the ones with the negative thoughts, is not skeptical anymore, he/she is already biased. When people are biased, any information – no matter how neutral it is – would be processed in their head based purely on their perception. Also, other than negative thoughts, it will create a severe change of mood. A person with an anger mood, feeling exasperated could easily interpret the simple innocuous statement as something malicious. This miscommunication is very dangerous, it indeed is.

When miscommunication happened, even once, person will then be more cautious. Being cautious here means in a negative way as they would be anxious, fearing that something bad as previous one might happen again. Miscommunication causes anxiety. Anxiety is fear about something that may not be happening. It is fear about fear, fear that means nothing as it is imaginary. Fear and anxiety is something to be differentiated about. Fear comes when our mind reacts to something that we are afraid of and it is real (e.g fear of heights, fear of cockroaches, etc). On the other hand, anxiety happens when there is a lingering apprehension, chronic sense of worry about the sources of which may be totally unclear. Thus, it can be concluded that yes, anxiety is imaginary. It is something we create internally inside our mind, not what happens externally. For example, imagine that your boyfriend/girlfriend forgets to call you or send messages as he/she is busy or hanging out with friends. This lack of communication will then create anxiety, such as is he/she cheating on me; did something happen; etc. Anxiety then creates insecurities. When people are insecure, they tend to be worried most of the time, even guys who look tough outside would be. When people are enveloped with insecurities, they tend to overthink situation as overthinking only happens when people feel insecure. Overthinking means that you think, but you think too much - way too much. You think about how things are seen from every aspects, you create scenario in your head, including worst case scenario to prepare for the worst outcome.

However, how much will you gain from overthinking? I'd say minus. 

Why minus? Because you're just thinking, thinking about every bits and details regarding that matter, without doing anything significant to support your thought. You are afraid to do something, as you are afraid that it would not go the way you want to. Therefore, it ruins your mood, your happiness. It turns things around, makes you excessively worry, and makes things worse than they actually are.

If this kind of insecurities and constant worrying, are not treated well and quick enough by giving words of affirmations, the bonds between 2 people would drift apart. When they are drifted apart, it is not surprising to have more conflicts in this state, either resolved or unresolved. Their needs would go unspoken and unexpressed.This kind of situation is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This unhealthy relationship creates a bigger chance for people to fall out of love, therefore giving them higher risks of breaking up.

Those long paragraphs consist of possibilities of all the problems that couples need to face when pursuing an LDR. When you read that, you might be a little convinced and think 'Yes, those are right', 'If things are practically true as they are stated above,  I would not want to have an LDR'. Logically, yes it is hard with that much problems. However, being hard does not mean that is impossible. The problems stated above, are just problems. Problems are present for a solution to be created. Actually, there is a solution for this problem. There always is.
However, before moving on to the explanation of the solution, it is best if we could understand more specifically what are the concerns and point of views between the guy and the girl in an LDR relationship.

GUY'S POV:
According to several surveys and talks between friends, there are several points of views regarding their experience and thoughts of LDR.

First, there are guys who do not want to pursue an LDR. They thought that what is there to a relationship when they cannot visually see their loved ones. It is important for them to have their loved ones physically near them. They need to see their loved ones as much as possible, touch them, having some quality times with them. It is natural, for lovers -  especially for the guy, to feel that way. Well, they do have more libidos than woman. Therefore, they need what so called warmth. They consider their partner’s presence as a warmth. What they fear is that when the warmth is not there, they would try to find another ones who is nearer to them and likely to abandon their partners who’s so far away. They think that if they miss their girlfriends, they can’t literally see them, meet with them, touch and hug them. However, that are what most guys would feel. We could not blame them, it’s pretty normal – so as their hormone speaks.

Second, in contrary-  most guys think that girls need their boyfriend in a way near. Why do they have such thought? It is because most guys think that girls  are delicate, 'frail' (in a good way though). Therefore, they thought that girls need constant attention and someone to lean on, not to mention that most girls want to be understood fully by their partner - while guys think that they are okay with being apart from their girlfriend. Actually, there are types of guys who does not prioritize meeting and seeing their loved ones physically. These kind of guys would prefer words of affirmation from their partners and they are contented enough with just hearing and knowing about how their girlfriends are doing. Therefore, they would really value their significant others and somehow they are afraid that their girls would feel lonely without them. This thought would lead the guys to think that they cannot fulfil their responsibility as a boyfriend – to be able to be there for their girls whenever needed, as they only could support their loved ones from afar. They would also think that during LDR, they cannot go on dates, movies, no more romantic dinners, etc. The most they could do is to communicate via skype ( bravo to the ones who invented skype ). These would lead to the lack of quality time or they said without quality time they could not understand each other fully as non-LDR do.

GIRLS' POV

Before getting into the point, it is important to know that a girl, no matter how strong, how independent she looks on the outside, would still be swayed by their emotions when it comes to deciding something important some phases in their life. Therefore, it is undeniable that they need someone who's likely to use their head to help them direct their path or decisions in their life, which in this case - a guy.
While speaking about emotion, girls are likely to possess keener intuition, due to amount estrogen; they have more gut feelings - an ability to guess and interpret what other people are feeling. This what makes girls tend to be a hypophreniac. Being that, girls need someone who could understand them, who complement them. They need affirmation and assurance from their loved ones.
Girls may have a happily ever after with their man as long as they click, and to be able to rid every obstacle together even though there are problems ahead.
Things are, yes, much easier for the girls and their men if they are together. However, problems occur when they are being apart where they can't see each other which makes it harder to communicate.
Could they handle it and move along with their relationship or being beaten by the miles and find new ones near?

Therefore, when they are asked about LDR, they would say:

1. Speaking bluntly, there are girls who do not wish to pursue LDR. In this case, they think that what's there to a relationship when there is no one near to support them, no one to understand and pamper them. No more seeing each other every weekend, no more flowers, dates, fine dine. Every quality time is done at most by video call on skype where they could not express themselves fully. Stories become harder to tell due to limited understanding, feelings are harder to be expressed as they can't tell each other directly person to person, and the list goes on. These makes girls worried and dissatisfied. Worried that the guys would cheat on them, the guys would lose feelings towards them. Dissatisfied because they feel there are not enough attention given thus they don't feel understood enough and being complemented by their loved ones.

2. On the other side, there are girls who aren't shaken by the distance. They still wish to continue their relationship no matter how far their loved ones reside. Why? Simply because they just 'click' with their loved ones. They think it is better to be with someone that they are comfortable with, even their loved ones are far away, than being with someone near but they don't feel the comfort. As they do, they see something more than a relationship awaits them. Therefore, whatever it takes, they will not give in.


As it has been explained previously about the problems and point of views regarding LDR, there are some things to be concluded.

1. Both girls and guys should first, be comfortable with each other.
2. Both of them have to be 'mature' at the first place, to see that their relationship is a building block for their future
3. Both of them has to possess strong commitment
4. Both have to learn to trust each other FULLY
5. Both of them need to realize that they do it for just a nick of time (temporarily), because at the end, after they have nailed it, they could be together again anyway :))

Also, last but not least: do not expect. Oh well that's not exactly the right phrase. It should have been :' do not expect the expected and unexpected'. This means, you can expect on something but do not rely on your expectation. Especially on LDR, when 2 people are being apart, busy living their lives - you should be thankful enough if your partner still make time or care for you. You should be. Do not expect something extraordinary, just don't. If that happens, then thank God and if it doesn't then so be it - it should have been that way. This is because if you get less than what you expect, disappointment occurs.
In this case, when you're disappointed, most people - due to the fear of hurting someone they care about - would remain silent. However, silence doesn't mean that everything is alright - it is the unexpressed feeling of exasperation, hurt, and the list goes on. When this expressions are remain unexposed, the relationship would not be so called a healthy relationship anymore. It is dangerous, it indeed is.
To conclude, do not expect too much. Expectation is the root of all problems. 

Good luck! 

Dreams, Future, Anxiety

Hello there, how've you been? Hope you're all doing great

I decided to write on this topic because : a. hypophrenia ( define that urself ;) )

                                                              b. i can't sleep

                                                              c. people around me start to bring out plans for their future 

Uhm, point C. Somehow i was inspired by them, by their tenacity to achieve their dreams. I remembered how their eyes were blinking when they started talking about their future. How are they gonna carry out their plan, etc. They think about their dreams, they talk to some people about it, they tell people how much struggles they've gone through to achieve it. It makes me wonder, they have such a big dream and they're on the way to achieve it, what about me, what about myself? *finger-crossed*

Introduction. Well, the boring part. We all have dreams, beside the dreams you have when you're sleeping. Dream here, based on definition in Merriam Webster dictionary, is defined as a strongly desired goal or purpose. Goal. Yes, we do have some goals in life. What's a goal? Based on the Merriam Webster dictionary again, goal is defined as the end toward which effort is directed. It means that, goal is the' final destination' while you're exerting an effort towards something. Underline the effort. Effort means that hard work requiring time and serious attempt. Hard work. Time. Serious attempt. Three big things, but the order is a lil bit mixed up

For me, the order would be serious attempt, hardwork, and time. Well, serious attempt. Underline serious. Serious means requiring much thought of work, relating the matter of importance. Yes, importance. You tend to be serious, you put so much thought, and you'll do your best on something, that's important to you. Am i correct? The key thing here is important. If that thing is really important to you, you'll get serious without being told. So, this is a matter of mindset. Keep into your mind that " I am doing something that's important to me". Feel it though, that it really is important to you. And when that happens, your mind tends to process that 'Yes, that thing is significant to me, so it'll have an effect on me and bring the good to myself." Thus, your subconscious mind would ask you to do the rest; give out your best shot and be serious in it.

Okay, the mind factor is done. Now comes to the hardest part. Yes it is always hard when it comes to hardwork. Hardwork, is more like an implementation of what you're mind is thinking and wants you to do. Of course i do believe that your mind knows that you've got to study seriously like nerd if you want to get a GPA 4 out of 4, you've got to be painstakingly writing out the memorials for the mootcourt to win that, even if you're crying when you're doing it.It's all about implementation. Action. The things that we and the others can see, physically. It means 0 if you have such a great mindset but you don't take actions to make things happen. It's really nothing even though you have a brilliant idea but you can't carry it out into actions. Even in the Bibles there are one saying that really strikes the bone. James 2:14 'What is it good my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?' Well it's really true. We have to do the so called deeds. To put it simply, take action. For example, a scientist proposes a really brilliant idea. It's just the idea, but if you want your idea to be recognized, you've got to do something about it, like doing some research, conduct projects about that. Yea, no matter what you do, you'll always end up taking actions after dwelling on your own broad or little mind. And, uh oh don't forget the hard part. Hard-work. It means that you're studious, diligent. A person who's studious, he studies a lot. Does he suffer from that? Well nope, if he is, he might just stop studying. A forced person, even though who studies a lot, cant be considered a studious, because he is forced. So, the whole thing means that, you have to like studying. Simply put that, you've gotta like what you do. If you like what you're doing, automatically you'll be serious, you'll put much effort, and thus, you'll work hard ;)

Okaayy, third one finally. Time. Well, the 1st and second, they're about mind and actions, but don't forget the feelings is important too. We must be patient for the outcome, for the success. Don't expect instant outcome. Don't expect that you'll get a straight A by just studying for a day. Don't expect that you'll run 100meters on 10 seconds if you just train by few days. It takes times. Time equals to patience. Patience, yea, keep what you're doing, believe that you'll do great, it's just a matter of time. No matter how long it is, if you're serious, if you're hardworking, you'll ace what you do, no matter what is it, how hard and impossible it is.

Uhm well, i guess that are what we need to chase our dreams, oh yes, don't forget prayer! The power of prayer is extremely important. Yes faith without deeds is equal zero but deeds without prayers will make you end up with nothing. Pray to the Lord, about your dreams. Just tell Him, what you're feeling, what difficulties that you encounter. The Lord hasn't promised that the skies always blue, God hasn't promised the sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain. But the Lord has promised strength for the day to keep you be optimistic and chase on your dream. The Lord has promised rest for the labor, for you who has worked hard, and light for the way, when you feel that your future is blurry. The Lord has promised grace for the trials, if you're tried so many times and you're confused about what to do. Ask Him for His grace. And last, He'll give you His unfailing sympathy and undying love. Yes, He sympathizes you, who's experiencing trials in love. He consoles you and encourages you and He'll love you forever and ever as He's giving His undying love for us :)

Sometimes, we're surrounded by anxiety. We live a life full of anxiety, for example: What if the result turns bad? What will I do if i don't get accepted to the university i want? What will my boss do if i didn't meet this month's expectation? And the list goes on. Yes, it's normal to be anxious but don't let the anxiety consume you. Don't overthink the situation. Believe me, you're just dwelling in your mind, thinking bout things that's not 100% true and it will ruin your mood, your situation, your attitude. Don't. Instead, just surrender all things to the Lord. Thy will be done. Even though it may not seem good for you at that moment, it's beneficial for several years down the road. We'll never know. Talk about the long term outcome, okay? We'll never know ;) Don't just see it from one-sided perspective :) Well, i can say those things because I experienced that same thing just 2 years ago. It was a really great experience for me. At first, i was furious because things wouldn't turn the way I wanted them to be. However after deep thoughts and self-reflection, i am thankful now that i'm here. Really. Can't really describe them by words. You've gotta feel that yourself. Say to God, "Lord I surrender. Tell me that Your plans are better than my dreams :)"

Sooo okay, think i'm done with the whole new post. Good luck, bone chance to y'all out there! :)

The 5 Love Language

Hello guys! It's already 0.34am 10th of February ( timezone : Jakarta +7 ). Happy Chinese Lunar New Year to those who celebrate it, may peace and prosperity be upon you! :)

Well, i just realized that it's less than 4 days until Valentine's day. To all singles, be prepared to watch all those happy couples being lovey dovey, your dad might place a bouquet of white roses and leave before your mom goes out from the bedroom, cute chocolates sold everywhere and here we are wondering: 'The hell with chocolate, i'm not getting any anyway.' or 'At least on Valentine's day, my cash won't be robbed away by that cliche things like roses, chocolates, or romantic fine dining.' Well, to all singles out there, don't worry i've been quite lonely on Valentine's day during 18years of my life. I know how you all feel, let's high five! 

And to those happy go lucky, on the edge of breaking up ( all the best! ) couple, all guys that are counting days, waiting to confess to the girl that finally steal your devotion and all the girls who are waiting to be confessed to, be happy because at least you have someone special to celebrate Valentine's day with. You have someone to waste your emotions to, you have someone to lay your love on. At least be happy, you're lucky enough! ;) Erm talks about Valentines day again, some of you might wonder about the best gift you can give your partner, what pick up lines you should use to do the confession thingy, how to spend that one day so that moment spent with your loved ones could become memorable, etcetera.

Maybe, if you're searching and pondering about what could be the best gift you can give to you're partner, do you mind think back again? Well, not all people are comfortable with gifts, they may think that just a hug would suffice. Then, if you're thinking what pick up lines you should while confessing, think back again, does the girl can be courted with only sweet words sprouted from your mouth? They might think that a simple 'i love you' with a bouquet of flower would be super romantic. And if you're pursuing an LDR, of course you might think about how to spend Valentine's day with your far-away sweetheart? 

Actually, few days ago my friend mentioned about the '5 Love Language' thing, then my curiosity did the rest. I did some readings on that, and found that basically in relationships we love our partner how we want them to love us and not the way they actually need to be loved. That's why there are quite much miscommunication during the relationship period as we, people come in all varieties, traits, so do their choices of personal expression of love. Also, all people are created unique, they are made up of million beautiful little things that made them, them. We are all individuals with different personalities and ways of thinking, have gone through the ups and downs and experienced different aspects of life.

Despite all the differences, truth to be told, all people want to be loved. every one of us has a preference for what makes us feel most loved. However, when they are receiving the wrong type of love we can often start to feel empty and unwanted. They might think that their partner don't understand them, and there begins the conflict of interest.

Here's one example to show:

Seldom a couple have the same way to express their love; that's called by primary love language. Of course as individual, they tend to speak their primary love language and if both couple have differences in their primary love language, it's undeniable that they become confused when their spouse doesn’t understand what they’re communicating. It's quite a big deal actually. Try to identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, then you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship.

However, you might now think that speaking your partner's love language is not natural for you, it's something that's somehow forced. Dr. Gary Chapman ( author of the '5 Love Language' book ) says, "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough"

 *i do apologize sincerely for all the useless babbles out there - *mouth zipped* *

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGE
http://www.iacac.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/D31-I-Hate-Your-Job-The-5-Love-Languages.pdf

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language,  unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*

Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love

Encouragement : All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. Perhaps you or your partner has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you or from him. One words of encouragement spitted, who knows it might change your world?

Kind words: If people are to communicate love verbally, they must use kind words. That has to do with the way they are spoken. The statement “I love you”, when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love. Also when a guy’s saying ‘i miss you’ over the phone when you they are apart in distance could means the world to the girl

Humble words: Love makes requests, not demands. Relationship is about give and take. If we’re to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. Try to use humble words when speaking to your partners sometimes.

By the way, as i have realized, the words of affirmation is the most suitable love language for LDR couples. Well, when two people are separated by miles or even worse, timezones; they don’t have much time spent together, of course they miss each other but they can’t see each other physically, also let’s say when the girl’s having problem, the guy can’t just come over to the girl’s place and help her. However, he could give her some words of encouragement, advice, or console her whenever she’s sad. Reassuring her that everything’s gonna be alright by those humble words could calm her for periods of time. You don’t have to be a sweet talker or a casanova- spitting out anything that pops into your mind will do. Just be honest and sincere when conveying those words. Well, based on that explanations above, power of words are quite magnificent i shall say.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*

This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean being together all the time. What I mean is doing something, just the two of you, like going out to eat, taking a stroll in a park, and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. Try to treasure the time you spent together.

‘Quality Time’, as we can see here, what matters the most is the quality of the time you spent together. Is it really worth it, despite the limited time you two have? I do personally feel, even though one couple have all day long to spend with their love ons but the sparks aren’t there, the moments just go like that and there’s nothing special and it’s repeated day by day. Doesn’t it become mundane and boring? Then, how about, this 2nd case while a couple doing something that they love, but they really treasure that moment, even though the time spent is only 1 or 2 hours. You don’t have to try to always be there for your spouse, remember the quality, not the quantity. Also, sometimes absence makes the heart grows fonder ;)

                        

Well, for lovers who are separated miles away, here’s the main problem: You cannot see your partners physically. However, don’t you ever think that if you’re having a long distance relationship, you can’t have your quality time. You can, depending on how you create that moment. For example: When you two are in skype, try listening to your favorite music together or *uhm* do some karaoke via skype eh(?), tell others everything random that pops up into your mind or maybe telling them about your activity through whole day will do. No matter how ridiculous or insane your conversation is, the more alive conversation you have, the better. It may be uncospicious, however you have already created a quite good memorable moment. And to those lucky ones who can see their partners everytime they want, here are some tips, if your partner’s primary love language is quality time. - Maintain eye contact when your partner’s talking - Listen, and read through the emotion that they’re feeling. They will truly appreciate it - Observe body language - Refuse to interrupt. Just sit there and listen to their sayings can be called a consolation too. - Say something about yourself too. Reveal yourself, open up yourself to your partner, so they feel that they’re loved too!

Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures

Love is not about what others can give you because you’re empty, it is about what you can give others because you’re already full. Gift can be seen as a physical symbol of love. A gift is something you can see, hold in your hand and say, “I cross his mind” or, “She’s thinking of me.” A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colours and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.*

People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes, sorting the bills, walking the dog or dealing with landlords are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a doormat to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*

Holding hands, kissing, hugging – all of these are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family. Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and when you return may involve only a brief kiss, but speaks volumes.

Well, that’s all about the 5 language of love. If you wanna know what your partner and your dominant love language is, click here to take the test.

Mind telling me what is it? ;)

Well, for lovers who are separated miles away, here’s the main problem: You cannot see your partners physically. However, don’t you ever think that if you’re having a long distance relationship, you can’t have your quality time. You can, depending on how you create that moment. For example: When you two are in skype, try listening to your favorite music together or *uhm* do some karaoke via skype eh(?), tell others everything random that pops up into your mind or maybe telling them about your activity through whole day will do. No matter how ridiculous or insane your conversation is, the more alive conversation you have, the better. It may be uncospicious, however you have already created a quite good memorable moment. And to those lucky ones who can see their partners everytime they want, here are some tips, if your partner’s primary love language is quality time. - Maintain eye contact when your partner’s talking - Listen, and read through the emotion that they’re feeling. They will truly appreciate it - Observe body language - Refuse to interrupt. Just sit there and listen to their sayings can be called a consolation too. - Say something about yourself too. Reveal yourself, open up yourself to your partner, so they feel that they’re loved too!

Biggest Sympathizer

Hello guys. Here i am again, working on my translation for the video meeting next week. Hope that i could finish that all before the deadlines!

Sooo basically what i'm doing is listening to the 90 mins video of Brother Andrew in the church of Anaheim, California, preaching about 'Message 10 of Crystallization of the Book of Zechariah'. It's a deep, meaningful message anyway, and suddenly i'm moved to share some enjoyment that I got from his sharing.

The Book of Zechariah consists of 2 parts, where the 1st part ( chapter 1-6 ) talks about vision, not an ordinary vision, but a vision of consolation. Then the second part ( chapter 9-14 ) that talks about prophecy, prophecy of encouragement.

The vision mentioned from chapter 1-6, is commonly for the children of Israel. However, the prophecy mentioned in chapter 9-14 is about encouragement. Without Christ, there will be no consolation, no encouragement. However, Christ is not only consolation and encouragement with the Jewish people in their suffering, but He's their suffering companion.

Well, we might be a joyous, sincere people in our outer-side, but don't we have suffering?
When you have suffering, what do you need?
Truthfully, all human would say 'I need a companion. I need somebody to sympathize with me. I need somebody to just sit with me' ( uhm maybe this phrase inspired Simple Plan later on in their lyrics in the song, When I'm Gone : .... Misery loves company.... )
You know, Jobs and his 3 friends were good, until they started opening up their mouth. If they just sat there, sympathized with him, that would be wonderful.

Anyway, in our suffering, what do we need the most? We need somebody to sympathize with us. Guess what? Who's the biggest sympathizer? CHRIST.
So, you guys got any sufferings? Just remember you have this real good sympathizer with the sympathize in you.

In Hebrew 4:12 said that 'For we don't have our high priest suit we cannot be touched by the feeling of our weakness. Feeling of our weakness, that's pretty common. However don't worry, in chapter 4:5, Christ gives his compassion to us, the ignorant ones. We have Christ who sympathizes with us, who consoles us and encourages us.

That's what Brother Andrew from the video said and it made me feel touched.

Well, it's true that when we have suffering, we tend to seek sympathy, either from friends, family. Somehow, when we have received their sympathy, we are assured and affirmed that we are okay, we are better than before. However in our deepest place in our heart, there's still a missing piece i don't know what and why, there's still a hole left opened up. Even though we have received enough sympathy, we still ask for more. Well, human nature. So there isn't a complete peace enveloping us.
If you ever feel like that, why don't you try contacting God? Why don't you try calling upon the name of the Lord, opening the veils in your heart, exercise your spirit so that it could touch the Lord so that you can receive His compassion, His grace? When you're down and you let all of your beings being exposed to God, when you surrender completely to Him and let His hands take control of everything? Definitely, you will feel relieved, your burden has been taken away even though there's still some left. You know and feel Him consoles you, encourages you, and walks with you going through the life.
I mean, well, I have experienced this pace of life before. I didn't know what to do, so i just kneeled down, said everything that'd been bugging me, and somehow i knew the Lord understood, He was well i didn't know how to describe it. It was too wonderful to have Lord like that.

So, praise the Lord for his consolation and his encouragement :'')

*uhm i beg thine excuse for non-Christians or Catholics. It's an 'open' blog, open forum, you can read it anyway, if you have some comments you could just post it on the comment box. Thank you before :)*

LONG DISTANCE Relationship(t)?

"I know what you're feeling now. It's my fault anyway."

Technically and emotionally, she was in shock, seeing that words that he uttered via BBM ( BlackBerry Messenger ). 

"Why did that dumbass bring that matters again?", she grunted, with a deep sigh.

She let the tears dripping down on my face. The tough look she's built up till that time, been broken down. Still putting on the weeps, she began to flashback. From the time they first met.

"I'm Fatimah. You're?" 

"Al-Imron ( real name should be taken into confidential! Haha ). Nice to meet you"

"Nice to meet you too"

From then on, they started talking, via BBM or skype. Fatimah started asking Al-Imron about this one duck guy, who tried to flirt, said things that are common if you said them to person whom you considered as a friend. 

This guy, was really an annoying one. You girls should be careful to this kind of guy. Ha! He did all the things that have been mentioned above, yet he had a girlfriend, even though she lived 3.421 km away with 1 hour time difference.

At first Fatimah was quite happy, being a freshman in a quite prestigious university, having a caring senior to depend on, to care for you. That senior, we can call him 'Syaifullah' for instance. Firstly, Fatimah was quite attracted because he was smart. Fatimah did love smart people anyway, okay cut it out, move to the main frame. He helped her with ‘Introduction to Diplomacy’ class. She was amazed that he was quite brainy to be able to answer every single problems and questions she dealt with. Fatimah began to put some interest in Syaifullah. However, at that time, she didnt even know that he was pursuing a relationship, a long-distance one.

One rainy night, her university sophomores and seniors asked her out for a late dinner, she said yes and she started talking about campus life, a lecturer that needed to be given a box of Igor pastries and date flavoured Nu Green Tea ( “ I want a date flavoured ones, cos it’s halal, the other flavours are haram” one of her friends imitated the way she said that and she was like giving an ‘Oh My God. That's too mainstream!’ reaction, then they all bursted out into laughter. ) every time to please her, and some guys and girls in our campus. Quite normal to be taken for a conversation topic. LOL

After some laughters and pain in the stomach, here come the words that let her feel puzzled up!

"If you need someone to look up to, it’s best if you look up to Syaifullah. He has a girlfriend that lived so far away and yet he’s still faithful and maintaining the relationship”

Ewh and i kept this line spinning in my head, " He's got a girlfriend? So that means he's in an LDR, but they said that he's faithful. But then, why does he call me at night, flirt with me with that kind of manner? "

Few hours later, with that kind of reasoning still being worked on my mind, Al-Imron accidentally saw her in Skype and called her. She answered, with video. 

Well, just skip the so-called unimportant things like the pointless babbles, worthless conversations, and forced stupid jokes. We could just jump into the conclusion, couldn't we? ;) At the end after discussing the matter about that jerky Syaifullah, both Fatimah and Al-Imron both agreed on 3 things.

1. Syaifullah is a total jerk

2. Syaifullah should really be thankful to have such a fine lady as her such as his girlfriend. I mean, do you have mirror in your house bro?

3. Syaifullah, persona non grata 'ed for a while ( sorry for the grammar nazi, or what should i say for difusing latin and english word into an unknown one? )

Seconds passed, minutes left, hours rushed, and days went by, Fatimah tried to be just a good kid around Syaifullah. Answering his chats indifferently, said hi without any emotions, smiled at him just for the sake of being polite and respecting the senior. She didn't even know why, all of her feelings, curiosity were gone with this summer breeze ( well, there's no summer in Indonesia. I just made this up so it could look a bit classy, eh? ). Guess that time she could still think light-headedly with clear mind thus she was still able not to lose her pride and fell into his den.

Eastern Surabaya, 37 degree Celcius ( 98.6 F ), wind: 5 km/h, humidity : 89%,  7°16′S 112°43′E / 7.267°LS 112.717°BT, there was a girl with her black hijab covering a dark brown *uhm* jumpsuit  loitering aimlessly seeing the vicinity around, waiting for her papa to pick her up from 5 hours of absorbing diplomacy and international relation thingy, yes and that was Fatimah; pondering about what actually happened for the past few months.

Some thoughts were still hanging up in Fatimah's mind, unanswered.

1. Girls fall in love with what they hear. That's why is it easy for a guy who's born a casanova to court any girl he wants to court? Because, yes, as girls, we do love compliments, we feel honored when someones say good things about us, we don't mind a guy's pouring his attention on us. Even though we say we hate guys who flirt, but we don't mind being flirted by a guy we like. We may seem uninterested in you or changing the topics when you guys flirt with us, however you don't know how stupidly we're blushing, how the dumb looks in our face look like when we read your words on our phone screen or hear your flirtation over the telephone. When we're in a relationship, especially a long distance one, we girls are generally okay however we tend to be insecure. I wanna elaborate about this matter a bit later maybe in part 2 ;)

2. Guys fall in love with what they see. Everyone knows that guys tend to look at the physical features of a girl when there's a question on ' How do guys see in girls '. Of course the first thing is about the physical features, noone would deny it; whether the girl is pretty or not so; whether the girl is slim or plump; whether the has a certain distinguished physical features or not'. We do believe every guys say yes to the statement that i've written above. Then, they begin to take a quite liking on a girl's personality and so on. That's why, when a couple is pursuing an LDR, usually the guy would prone to cheat more than girls. As I've stated above that guys fall in love with what they see, this also means that guys need someone to be right next to him PHYSICALLY. Thus, based on this logic, pursuing an LDR for a guy is quite a troublesome thing because his spouse is nowhere near him. There's no one near to support him when he's down, no one near to share his thoughts to, no one near to love him. So, there's no surprise if a guy who's pursuing an LDR would be hooked by girls around him. Even though the girl is not as pretty, is not as smart, is not as loving as his girlfriend, he would choose this girl, just because she's near. Well, damn the distance?

3. When a couple is apart, a girl demands loyalty from the guy and a guy demands a trust from his girl. Uhm, can't spoil this yet cos i would have nothing to write about in the part 2 ;)

4. Some people were meant to fall in love with another, but aren't meant to be together. Guess distance is one of these barriers, huh? What if two people are in love with each other but they are afraid to take the challenge, they see the chance but they don't take it, actually they can make a decision but they're too afraid. At the end, they would be mourning about the relationships they were too afraid to have.

5. LDR can work, can't it?

Hope that you don't have an urge to close the window while reading this :'') Anyway, thank you for visiting!
i'll update the part II soon! 

END OF PART I ( AUTHOR'S WILLINGNESS TO WRITE :  LVL -999 )